that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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