Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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