He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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