thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
