hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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