Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
