What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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