The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
