hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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