Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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