I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
