Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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