Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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