Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
