Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
