My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
