Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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