We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
