she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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