me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
