So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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