It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
