I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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