Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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