i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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