I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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