and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
