Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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