So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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