i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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