I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
