Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We had sex on a dog bed..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
