I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
