maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
