Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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