So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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