Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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