he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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