I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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