I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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