By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
