HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
