i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
