Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
