Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
