your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
