It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
