im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I just put wine in my tea
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
