Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
