That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
