im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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