I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
