My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
