if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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