remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
